Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Say something about gay babies.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
