Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
They took my balls.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
