I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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