i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
4 words: hood of his car
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
