We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
