We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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