1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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