We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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