What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
