It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
