he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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