"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
