my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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