Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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