And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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