I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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