Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize