I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
