I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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