Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
