So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize