I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize