It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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