I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
