at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
