very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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