I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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