if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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