I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
