I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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