Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
