So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
