just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
