Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
