Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
