True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
