I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
