so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
