Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
