We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize