come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
