...so i touched it.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
