i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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