look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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