I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
