I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
