Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
