Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
