Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize