What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
