Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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