ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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