what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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