Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
