Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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