And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
