I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
