You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
