when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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