The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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