Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
