hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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