I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
