Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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