Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize