Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
