I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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