my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
