I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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