I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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