Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
