I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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