I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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