Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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