I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize