hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
