This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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