toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
