You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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