i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
