I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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