Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
is it fun? or sober?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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