I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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