so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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