trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
