I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
