My first STD was from a foam party
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
