I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We are two peas in an std pod
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
