i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
