Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
