My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
